.NO HOLD THE PHONE THAT'S MY THING!!!.

so I'm sitting in a Starbucks right now sipping on my first red Christmas cup of the season and enjoying it immensely (also just realized I don't know how to spell the word "immensely", thank you spell-check).
A minute or two ago, a duo was singing to me in French over the speakers and I was thinking how nice that sounded.  Everything sounds better in French.  Say "mud" in French and it's beautiful.
This song was refreshing because usually Starbucks plays some eclectic mix of old school hum-drum bands like Fleetwood Mac (no offense to Fleetwood Mac, I LOVE Fleetwood Mac.  Go Stevie Nicks Go!) and super indie, hipster, so-far-under-the-radar bands that you're not even really sure exist.  So for Starbucks to throw in a surprise like a French song was really nice.

Anyway, as I was being serenaded I was thinking about this one really ugly feeling I got while reading a blog post recently.  I love reading blogs so this is not an uncommon occurrence. Now let me tell you, I don't know this girl from Adam, but going by her blog she seems super sweet, loves Jesus and is beyond domestic...like if Martha Stewart and Julia Child somehow had a daughter, but not in a weird creepy way, but for sake of analogy way. Yes. So. In this particular post, she was doing a really great job of writing about the ways she was making tracks to accomplish her ultimate dream, and I was super excited for her because I think we can all get on board with people accomplishing their God-given dreams. But then, she named her dream. And all of a sudden, out of the blue, like a ton of bricks I was like "WAIT HOLD THE PHONE THAT'S MY THING!!!  THE GALL, THE NERVE, THE AUDACITY!!!!"

In that moment I was quite literally distressed that someone else had a dream that even closely resembled mine.  I felt threatened.

ugh. ew. GROSS. double gross. I mean really, Sabrina.
yes, I refer to myself in the third person when I'm distressed. Anyway.

I started talking to God about it and I told him, "wait God, I thought that was our thing, our thing together.  I thought I was special. I thought I was unique.  I thought this was just you and me and my dreamsss!"
and God was probably like "My child, why are you hyperventilating..." or something of that nature.

The thing is that I am way caught up in trying to be one unique individual.  So unique and individual that every dream I have has to be so gosh-darned out of the ordinary that everybody says "what a unique individual, I never in my life would have thought of that. SHE IS SO COOL!!"

Yeah also gross.  That's the face of my ugly pride, people.

At the risk of maybe not having as many friends after this post, I figured it was a good idea to write about this if only for the mere fact that it's out there.  It's out of my head in writing and forces me to consider the real condition of my heart.  And to be that much more thankful for Jesus and his constant work in my life.  He held a mirror up to my heart in that moment, exposing my pride, vanity, and envy, and gave me the opportunity move forward & grow a little more from it. He's faithful like that.  And this mess of a girl is thankful.

whew.  I don't really know how to end these types of things, but let's just say that my red Christmas cup is emptied of it's eggnog latte deliciousness and another oh-so-hipster indie band is serenading me.  ok bye, friends.