on Love & lasting things.

Valentine's Day was a couple of days ago. A day to remember the martyrs of the faith and celebrate a thing called love. The epitome of "bittersweet" I'd say.

And didn't You say that there was no greater love than this? That one would lay down his life for his friends? So You laid down Your life to give us one that lasts.

And sometimes I wonder how often You thought about it...when You walked the dirt roads, and slept in a boat on the sea, or on one or all of those 40 days, and if the thought of a people rescued and the love of a Father is what sustained you.
Because that kind of love? It's the only thing that sustains.
I'm still learning about it. You're opening my eyes to the ways You express it.
And why is it that you choose to express Your love to us here while we're yet foreigners and going Home can be an afterthought?

I've read Genesis and of the Fall, and even in the aftermath, when perfection turned to groaning and paradise to ruins, covered were the ones who took that bite. Garments made for them from the skin of creatures called good; the blood of the innocent shed to make a covering for the guilty.
You knew,even then, didn't You?
That the innocent blood would cover my shame.
And there's no greater love than this.

Why does it become all too & familiar, God? Keep reminding me.
Because to know more of this Love is to know more of You.

Breakfast.

It's a funny thing, you know.

This measuring and aligning my perceived self to a perceived view of you,
with your lineage of knowledge and wisdom and Truth.

It's like trying to make a shoe fit.

So, I spend quite a bit of time stretching this skin, and this mind, and this personality to make it more of what I hear it should be.
I work to steady my voice, and make myself clear in that witty sort of way, and do try to look pretty while broadening my theological vocabulary.

I've tried to speak a little louder (it's never attractive), and read a little further, and learn more about more relevant topics, always.

Because after all,
everybody wants an intelligent "something" to contribute to intellectual conversation about important or not-so-important this, that, and the other.

It's relative, I guess.

But lack of contribution?
Well, that comes a little too close to having nothing to say at all.

So I speak to hear myself.
And too often to remind you that I really can be taken seriously,
in case you need reminding.
And I'll find out more about more and we can talk about it next time.
Just not during breakfast, please. If you don't mind, never during breakfast.

No, what I've made it out to be isn't all that you are.

But I admit that sometimes I feel the crevices, void of whatever it is that would make me more suitable for your mold,
real or perceived.
and for that one and 1/4 century old history of yours that makes you you
and me, well, quite inspired and disillusioned.

This won't be forever.
Because history we have in common
and Him as well.
I never said I have to stretch all that far to see the greater Good.

But there are times when I still speak to hear myself.
And really, the shoe will never fit just right.
I am who He has made me out to be after all.

I just might call a truce.

I've been reminded...

This was grace - short film from Andrew Laparra on Vimeo.

I sat down to read Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience, this morning and she wrote of His grace and how all is really grace, referring to Isaiah 14:24:

"The LORD of hosts has sworn: As I have planned so shall it be, and as I have purposed so shall it stand."

That is His grace after all.
What He has purposed is good.
But there are questions without answers and wounds that haven't quite been bound yet and what do we do with the in-between?

A video was included later in the post, about a husband and wife and their 4 children, one born blind and autistic. Then their mother, diagnosed with stage four breast cancer.

He has purposed and it shall stand.

So they quietly share their life with the world on the web.
Loudly proclaiming the name of Jesus.
Shouting that He is their Rock.

I watched their story, and my heart gave way to more than I had planned this morning.

I saw Him there with them, and He is here with me, and so He is with us. And I think to myself that Immanuel, it's not just a Christmas word.

It's a vocabulary.

Because shouldn't I be living every day, all day expressing this very truth?
In word and deed--that God is here, that He is with us--as this family of six has courageously done? Yes indeed.

I'm thankful for this family today. And praying for them. Join me?

Missing You Today.

I stand at the sink thinking on just how much I miss You.

The One I have never seen.

With scars I've never touched.

You whose voice I have never heard.

And I hurt.

Because it is frustrating.

When the treasure possessed is intangible.

When shaking hands are held in mid-air.

And the nearest thing to a photograph is Your beating heart framed in hallowed words on leather-bound pages.

Those words are the shadows of Your face.

And I cry because I wasn't there to sit at Your feet.

Or to lay the loved one's ailing form before You.

Or to reach and touch the garment with a trembling hand.

And I wasn't at the wedding.

And I wasn't at the tomb.

And I wasn't covered by the dust that came up from under Your feet as You tread a path through this wasteland called "world".

I follow.

here and now.

But today I wish I could put my footprints in Yours.

Nothing Short of All and Everything.

"How shall we sing the LORD's song in a foreign land? If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its skill! Let my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not set Jerusalem above my highest joy!" -Psalm 137:4-6

I am unlike the captives in Babylon who spoke these words. These people, God's people, wept over the thought of forgetting Jerusalem and singing a song of worship for the entertainment of their captors.
This struggle does not always exist within myself.
I am learning that "my song",what I do, all that I am, is often sung for that which is in the world rather than singing it for eternity to hear. I sing it for this "foreign land" rather than in expectation of the New Jerusalem.

In expectation of you, Lord.

If I forget why I am here, may "my right hand forget its skill" and "my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth".

"If I do not remember you, if I do not set Jerusalem above my highest joy!"

Amen.

11:57 pm

"It is cruelty to distrust the ever truthful Jesus. He has done nothing to deserve distrust; on the contrary, it should be easy to rely upon Him. Why crucify Him anew by unbelief? Is not this crowning Him with thorns again, and spitting upon Him again? What! Is he not to be trusted? What worse insult did the soldiers pour upon Him than this? They made Him a martyr, but you make Him a liar, which is far worse. Do not ask, How can I believe? But answer another question: How can you disbelieve!"

-C.H. Spurgeon, All of Grace

::

Perpetua.

This week I read about Vibia Perpetua and was surprised by the depth of her story, its relatability, and its influence. I had heard the 3rd century martyr's name before, but had never studied her life nor her martyrdom. Only 21, Perpetua was newly married and mother to an infant son. During what is considered some of the happiest days of a woman's life, she was thrown in jail for her faith...and remained there.

Undoubtedly two of the greatest treasures of her heart, husband and son could not hold a candle to her deep, deep love of Christ.

And even amidst numerous knees-to-the-earth pleas from her elderly father (with whom she had a close relationship) to recant her faith, she would not give in:

"Father, do you see this water pot? Can it be called anything else than what its is? So too, I cannot be called anything other than what I am: a Christian."

(from Perpetua's account of her imprisonment)

Perpetua did not recant at her trial and was martyred in the amphitheater at Carthage (along with her servants, Felicity and Revocatus and fellow believers called Saturninus and Secundulus)(123).

Her life, lived out in accordance with Matthew 10:37-39, still speaking volumes centuries after she was "silenced".

I have never been thrown in jail for my faith, I have no husband or children, and I've never had to face beasts in an amphitheater.

No, I easily subject myself to far lesser things: what others think of me, if unbelievers in my family will still speak to me, choosing my words a little too carefully...

Thinking higher of human opinion than the Creator of the Universe.

And once again I find myself challenged to let my life speak loudly of what I am. A Christian.

Litfin, Bryan M. Getting to Know the Church Fathers: An Evangelical Introduction. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2007.